I’m Right and You’re Wrong

 

 

                Many of our relationship problems are due to pride. Pride gets us to fight to be right. It will fill our minds with self-deception. We will be able to justify all kinds of wrong attitudes and behaviors, all the while being fully convinced that we are right.

                The Bible says in James 3:14, “But if you have bitter jealousy and contention in your hearts, do not pride yourselves on it and thus be in defiance of and false to the Truth.”

                Almost all mothers want the best for their children. Sometimes they can drive you over the edge and beyond because they constantly want to know what you’re up to. They want to know what you’re plans are to get to the next step in your life. Often times us young adults take it as picking. Like a pesky mosquito that keeps coming back and buzzing around your head. I bet you know exactly what I’m talking about.

                My mother will bring up questions and concerns regarding my next move in life and I do recall, recently, I blew up on her. I even said some words you should not say in front of the woman that gave you birth. But by golly, my pride was on a high mountain and I let strife take me over. Anger was rushing through every part of my bone and I had had enough of the questions and bickering and picking. I wanted to get rid of this mosquito once and for all. But, this is my mother we are talking about and after I had shut my mouth and started holding everything in, she walked upstairs and I sat there on the couch feeling horrible. What in the world was that all about? Where did that come from? I felt so evil, words can’t describe how bad I felt. I was in tears after she left.

                Many of you have had one of these outbursts. Maybe not towards your mother or father, but towards someone else who you just wanted them to go away or back off. Man, our pride can really take us over sometimes huh? In my situation, as I look back on it, it turns out my pride was wrong in the situation. I was out of line and I did need to focus on my next step forward. Everyone does. I mean, sure of course I was thinking ahead, but not like my mom said I should be. I was wrong then and did not realize it because of my pride.

                James 3:6 says, “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” Or tongue can hurt someone so fast, and we don’t even realize it till after we’ve spat out those harmful words. When I started using words against my mother I did not think twice nor completely acknowledge what I had just said to her. After the fight had ended was when I realized how harsh and evil I sounded. I let my tongue set ablaze and from then on, hell took over. It is so easy to let that happen but we need to remember what it is caused by. Strife and pride. Do not let strife take over your life for it infects every part of the body. As I stated in my last blog.

                Lord, I surrender to You my need to defend self, explain self, empower self, and to always be right. I acknowledge that You alone are the only One who is right. And even if I feel right about some situations, it never justifies strife. I submit my life to You completely, and I choose to let You alone be my defender.

Why is My Life so Difficult?

 

 

                My mother has home videos of almost every one of my birthdays from the time I was 2 till now. Some of the home videos in between are Easter, or a special program. The videos I love most are my 2^nd and 3^rd birthday. I was so sweet and kind, innocent just like every other child should be. Where did it all go wrong? I think as I got older and started fitting the puzzle pieces together and that’s when strife started to take me over. I allowed so much anger and resentment into my life that it hurt many potential lifelong relationships. I know a lot of you are wondering what caused all that anger. If you’re not, I’m going to tell you anyway.

                I pretty much grew up without a father figure in my life. My dad completely left the scene around the time I was 2. From what I remember, he visited me four times from that point up until I was 18. Growing up I knew something was off about my life. Something was missing. The worst part about it is people told me all kinds of things about my dad. I will only tell you what is true out of all the ridiculous stories I heard. My dad was an alcoholic, violent and short tempered. When he was sober, he was shy, but very kind. Of course, being so young and only hearing the bad things about my real dad, made me angry towards him and I barely knew him. Recently I have reconnected with him and have developed a strong bond with him. I’ve found out I have a lot of his personality and spirit. We both have become at peace with the past and now are so blessed and happy that we are connecting after all these years. Now, since I’m at peace with that major part of my life, why is there still strife present? Believe me that is a whole other story that I am working on figuring out myself. But I want to share with you what I have learned so far.

                If your suffering with unresolved issues in your life, certain people make you angry or a certain place. I really hope you read this because it has helped me a lot!

                What exactly is strife? Well, in the dictionary it is defined as “fighting; heated, often violent conflict; bitter dissension; a struggle between rivals; or contention.” I define it as a bickering, arguing, heated disagreement, or an angry undercurrent. No matter what the definition, strife leads to resentment, bitterness, or hatred and left alone it can destroy and devastate. That is why I am trying very hard to resolve my issues with my family and friends. The apostle James wrote, “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” (James 3:16)

In order to truly understand and acknowledge if there is strife in your life, you need to know the symptoms.

·         Pride (or defensiveness)-do you insist on have the last word? Are you more interested in making your point than learning God’s perspective in the matter?

·         Bitterness-do you use phrases like “you always” or “you never”?

·         Hatred

·         Judgment and criticism-do you assign motives and intentions to another person when it is not possible to really know another’s heart?

·         Deception and lies-do you form opinions without knowing all the facts? Form opinions based on gossip? Bend the truth?

·         Anger

·         Rebellion

·         Unrest-do you ever say or do something out of worry or anxiety?

·         Fear and negativity

                Do any of these feelings sound familiar to you? I know I can relate to a few, maybe even all of them. If you ever give into these feelings, you open the door wide open for strife to walk through. Strife can and often does, affect our attitude first. It can gain entrance through a minor issue, such as, a person saying they life your old hairstyle better. Instead of talking about it we play the words over and over and let anger build up and thereby ushering strife into our lives. Letting it contaminate relationships and poison our attitudes. More often than not, we can’t remember when the problem started or what to do about it. Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)

                All in all, strife spreads like an infection. Many become contaminated and defiled by it. I have begun to recognize strife in my workplace and with my family. If anger or unrest become present I do the old “deep breath” technique and listen to what God says about strife.

Are you in strife with yourself? Describe how any of the above characteristics apply to your thoughts or how you see yourself.

In what ways have conflict and strife brought devastation and destruction into your life?

How might your life change if you sought to heal any troubled relationships and resist strife?

 

Lord, help me to recognize strife and learn to resist it. Help me to see the entrance of the spirit of strife long before it wreaks havoc in my home and life. Supply the grace to me so that I never fuel the spirit of strife in my life or in the lives of others. Amen